Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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