you guys were way drunker than both of me
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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