Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
