for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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