where am i from again
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
