We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
