Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
