You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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