remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
