I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
