I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
