I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
