i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
