Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
