ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
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