Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
