I just pynch a tree in the face
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
