I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
