3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
