when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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