i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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