You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
