Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
