I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
