This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
