i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
