he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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