i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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