it's like iHOP with fire
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
