Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
