plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
