I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
