We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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