mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
