Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
