mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
