I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
tell me about the eggs
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
