You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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