Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Who put my cat in the fridge?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
