yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
