Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
