Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
