Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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