The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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