if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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