I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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