i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
