What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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