found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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