Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
