Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
