dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
